Thursday, January 28, 2016

My writings:Missing you (9)



Almost 2 years ago I lost the person I love most and who loved me most. After this each new morning was about surviving the pain.
Now I remember many events I wish never happened. I also remember it was a cold rainy day on which I had to say goodbye , I was frozen and didn't want to. I was never good at good-byes, so how could I do this for the one I loved most?
Then for a long time I felt a disturbing emptiness, like a part of me was taken away and could never come back.
I was unable to sleep enough, to eat, to feel joy or sadness, I blocked everything because I didn't know how to manage your absence.
But when the pain took place there was no chance to ignore it. It was the pain of not seeing you anymore, talking to you, hug you, I was left in darkness still loving you.
I began to feel useless and the hard part were those memories that reminded me of you. Each memory hurt me because it reminded me I could never see you again. 
There are still days when simple gestures or words remind me of you and pain hits again. Probably more time needs to pass until I'm healed, but I know I will never be the same .
There was also much anger in the first months without you because I felt abandoned, I was left without roots. It was even worse when I began to feel ill, I felt completely alone.
I also think that your painful journey had made me a better and more understanding person and I just hope I'd been a little help.
I still miss you and your love every day.




Wednesday, January 27, 2016

My Writings: A beautiful mess(8)


Sunt momente in care stiu ca nu voi mai avea rabdare sa astept, sa te gandesti, sa actionezi....Mai stiu ca ai avut timp, mult timp, pe care insa ai ales sa il ingnori pentru ca sperai ca lucrurile vor merge mereu in directia pe care o stii.
Nu am avut niciodata rabdare si nu mi-a placut sa astept, am crezut ca nu am suficient timp pe care sa il pierd asa.
Am preferat sa aleg o directie, oricare era ea si sa continui. De asemenea am preferat sa cred ca situatia se va imbunatati, chiar daca totul dovedea contrariul. Trebuia sa incerc, pentru a sti ca am facut tot ce era posibil.
Mai apoi dupa multe zile cu intrebari si lacrimi mi-am dat seama ca nu " trebuie" nimic din ceea ce credeam pana atunci. Mi-a spus inainte de a pleca ca si-ar fi trait viata altfel...
De cate ori nu pierdem timp si energie alergand dupa lucruri care nu ne sunt de folos ? Pentru ce? Nici macar nu devenim mai fericiti...
Doar ca eu nu mai vreau sa alerg fara rost! M-am saturat de falsitate si minciuni, de masti.
Vreau sa vad cine ai fi daca te-ai opri din alergat, daca ai face ceea ce-ti place nu pentru ca "trebuie", daca ai avea curajul sa fii trist, sa-ti fie dor...
Vreau sa ma vezi si sa intelegi ca uneori am prea multe intrebari fara raspuns, sau ca imi trebuie timpul meu. 
Nu am stiut niciodata unde voi fi sau ce voi face peste 3 sau 5 ani, aleg pasii mici, pe care incerc sa-i repet zilnic, voi ajusta din mers daca e nevoie ,dar va fi cursa mea de anduranta. 
Desigur sunt zile in care voi gresi, se va strange oboseala, ma voi intreba de multe ori daca drumul e bun. 
Va conta sa stiu ca ma urmaresti din urmbra, chiar daca poate nu esti de acord cu unele mutari. 
Stiu ca nu-mi place lipsa de reciprocitate, deoarece cred ca se poate obtine o situatie win-win pentru ambele parti.
Cred ca nu voi mai fi aici, dupa ce vei fi ignorat in mod repetat sa-ti pese.


Sunday, January 24, 2016

My Writings: The Outlier(7)



There have been many moments when I used to hide feelings like anger,disappointment, sadness and I only hurt myself this way.
People want to see you smiling, faking the real feelings because it's easier this way for everybody.
But not for you, the one who's experience the feelings  and I learned that a lot of empathy and compassion is needed to let someone be himself. Most of the time and most of the people lack these qualities...
So I don't have to smile if I don't feel like it , I might also want to cry after an exhausted day when nothings seems to work or when I miss someone I can't see or talk to anymore.
I can also be disappointed when I don't get what I worked for or people let me down for no reason...
So, please, don't tell me that things will be ok in the end, because it doesn't work this way...Or worse don't tell it's not right or important the way I feel ...
I know I might never fit a "model" and don't want to, I don't agree to conformism or other imposed limits. You are the only one who can impose, test and change the limits!
So, don't expect me to behave like the average when I'm and outsider! I won't lose my time trying to be someone I'm not.
There will be moments when I feel lost, when I don't want to talk because I have to figure it out  by myself, when feelings are too hard even for me to understand. 
I will also try not to hurt anybody because I've been hurt before.
Someone once told me that it's going to be hard to be yourself in a world that doesn't understand. It is true but you don't have to make compromises , you have to keep going on your way.
Whenever I'm feeling down, remember it's been a hard and long walk and I might need a hug to continue...







Friday, January 22, 2016

The Revenant:review


The Revenant are in acest an 12 nominalizari la Oscar, a castigat deja cateva premii Golden Globes si probabil se va scrie si se va vorbi mult despre acest film.
L-am vazut miercuri in cinema si mi-a lasat ceva sentimente amestecate, prin urmare cred ca in mare si-a atins scopul.
O sa incep cu plusurile sale:
  1. Este artistic: spune multe povesti doar folosind imagini, foarte bine alese si atent studiate. Sunt multe cadre superbe care raman in memorie, iar pentru asta e de vazut in cinema!
  2. Se creaza o legatura intre natura si omul care incearca sa supravietuiasca;
  3. In mare abordarea lui Alejandro G. Inarritu imi place, la fel cum mi-a placut Birdman si aici a reusit sa atraga o distributie foarte buna.
  4. Distributia: Leo & Tom Hardy, clar nu sunt de ratat!
  5. Pe Tom Hardy nu l-am recunoscut in prima parte a filmului,  iar rolul sau chiar e bun. Sper sa obtina un Oscar pentru rolul secundar masculin...
Minusurile ar fi:
  1. 156 de minute sunt prea mult, interesul si atentia incep sa scada dupa 2 ore, mai ales ca este un film destul de static in care in mare parte a timpului dialogul lipseste;
  2. Povestea e destul de simpla: Hugh Glass este atacat de un urs, fiul sau este ucis in fata sa de Fitz, apoi este parasit de toti colegii si lasat sa moara in salbaticie. Treptat, cu greu se va reface si va porni sa-l gaseasca pe cel care i-a ucis fiul pentru a se razbuna.
  3. Leo nu prea a reusit sa-mi spuna nimic nou prin acest rol.



Saturday, January 16, 2016

Cateva recomandari de filme


1.Joy 

Am vazut miercuri acest film in cinema, motivul a fost distributia: Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Robert de Niro.
Jennifer Lawrence m-a convins inca de la Silver Linings Playbook, unde aparea alaturi de Bradley Cooper si de atunci a devenit aproape o constanta prezenta lor impreuna in filme.
Acest film aduce povestea lui Joy, o femeie de afaceri care a inventat diverse aparate pentru a usura munca domestica.
Viata lui Joy este complicata: are 2 copii, locuieste cu mama si bunica ei, parintii sai sunt divortati si in permanent conflict, iar fost sot locuieste si el la parterul aceleiasi case.
Joy a fost de mica atrasa de inovatii, doar ca viata i-a oferit un alt drum. Se imprumuta de la iubita tatalui sau, Trudy, pune ipoteca pe casa, inventeaza un mop si incearca sa patrunda in lumea afacerilor.
Desigur drumul este greu, furnizorii ii fura schitele, ajunge sa piarda aproape tot ceea ce castigase dupa participarea la un canal de teleshopping.
Doar ca Joy nu se lasa infranta, merge si negociaza cu partenerul de afaceri, isi recastiga banii si-i va investi in noi inovatii.
Este un film interesant, cu multe detalii ale anilor 90, cu o poveste motivationala si realista.
Jennifer Lawrence are si o nominalizare la Oscar pentru rol feminin principal pentru acest film.

2. Woman in Gold



O drama interesanta cu Helen Mirren si Ryan Reynolds. Maria Altman(Helen Mirren) este o evreica din Viena care traieste in SUA. 
Aceasta afla ca statul austriac va despagubi pe cei carora le-au fost luate abuziv posesiunile in timpul razboiului si decide ca ajutata de tanarul avocat( Ryan Reynolds) sa intre in posesia tabloului pictat de Klimt care o are ca si personaj pe matusa ei.
Cum tabloul este prea important pentru Austria, statul refuza sa i-l acorde, Maria revine in SUA isi prezinta cazul si aici, iar statul austriac este dat in judecata.
Dupa multe eforturi Maria va reusi sa obtina tabloul matusii sale, sa se impace cu un trecut dureros, care i-a rapit familia.
Este foarte bine descrisa perioada razboiului si suferintele la care erau supusi evreii, de asemenea drama de a reintoarce intr-un loc care a adus suferinta.
Ceea ce este trist este ca povestea este reala, dar ca de fiecare data cred ca aceste povesti trebuie spuse!




3. Fathers and Daughters

O drama emotionanta care ii are in distributie pe Russel Crowe si Amanda Seyfried.
Jake( Russel Crowe) este un scriitor de succes, pe care un accident de masina il va schimba iremediabil. Sotia sa moare in acest accident, ceea ce va determina o depresie cu care se va lupta mult timp.
Fetita sa va ramane in grija unchilor 7 luni,cat timp el este internat intr-o clinica, urmand ca la iesirea de aici sa faca tot posibilul pentru a-si recastiga copilul.
Povestea este istorisita de Katie( Amanda Seyfried), fiica sa, psiholog, care cu greu se poate atasa de oameni, din cauza copilariei sale.
Unchii lui Katie il dau in judecata pe Jake pentru a obtine custodia fetitei, dar aceasta va ramane alaturi de tatal ei pana la moartea lui.
In paralel este prezentata povestea de dragoste dinte Katie si Cameron(Aaron Paul), o poveste in care nesiguranta ei aproape strica ceea ce construisera anterior.
Este o poveste trista si foarte adevarata despre cum o copilarie nefericita poate afecta adultul, despre cum dragostea si increderea se invata.

4. Sleeping with other people

Este poate una din cele mai bune comedii pe care le-am vazut in ultima vreme si asta se datoreaza, cred eu, talentului lui Jason Sudeikis.
Jake( Jason Sudeikis) si Laynei(Alison Brie) s-au cunoscut in perioada colegiului. Dupa 12 ani se reintalnesc la New York, ambii inclinati spre relatii pasagere.
Devin repede cei mai buni prieteni, ambii fiind in cautarea "partenerului ideal". Desigur, ca prietenia lor se va transforma in iubire, dar toate intamplarile care duc aici sunt foarte comice. Enjoy!


Saturday, January 09, 2016

The Danish Girl: The search for an identity



This is the movie I was so anxious to see since last December when I saw the trailer and I was so surprised of Eddie's transformation.
Once again Eddie Redmayne makes a great character and is not afraid to play in a movie that might start controversies and I admire him for this.
I liked the quality of image, the well studies angles , the amazing landscape from the beginning and end.
1920 , Einar Wegener(Eddie Redmayne) is an appreciated painter who has a quiet life with his also painter wife Gerda (Alicia Vikander). One day , Gerda asks him to try some girl clothes so she can finish a portrait because the model was absent.
Suddenly wearing women's clothes becomes a game for the 2 of them and Einar discovers an unknown part of his personality.
Einar becomes Lili, stops painting, starts to see different doctors trying to fix his new situation. But nothing seems to work, Einar is unhappy, Gerda continues to paint Lili.
Gerda will find a doctor to help Einar become a woman and after 2 surgeries Lili dies.
It's a very sad story, because you begin to like Lili and understand her desire to become who she thought it was. It is incredible has Eddie succeeds to reveal the transformation from Einar to Lili.
The story of Lili Elbe(Einar Wegener) was real, her biography Man into Woman was published in 1933. Lili had 4 surgeries in 2 years , the marriage between Einar and Gerda was invalidated in 1930 and Lili received a passport and also had her name legally changed.
In reality Gerda didn't stay by Lili's side until the end,she was married with an italian and moved to Morrocco.
I really like how Eddie's movies present love, the real, intense and artistic side. It is the touching and powerful kind of love.
In playing Shephen Hawking he managed to show the love for a person who suddenly turns ill and whose life changes drastically. Would you continue to love such a person?
I was very surprised to find out recently that people think this situation is insane. I know it is difficult to take care of an ill person, but I also think they deserve to be loved as before and even more.
I also think this is the purest form of love, not selfish, expecting or demanding.
It is said that you can't save people, you can only love them. 
So give them the gift to feel appreciated and loved even if they are ill and vulnerable, give this to yourself!


Tuesday, January 05, 2016

My writing:THE PATH (6)



I always thought that I had my own journey/purpose something to justify this daily crazy run,the tears, disappointments, long nights.
Even if I didn't know exactly which it was I did believe that one day I might find out. Somehow this day doesn't seem too close and I am quite tired of waiting and trusting. And trust had never been my strongest point...
I am more an action person than a believer, I am demanding, I don't think I have enough time to wait. Life had shown me that everything can vanish quickly and nobody can predict the amount of time that is left. So why not become what you are supposed to be now? Why wait some more years?
I've been told experience, but I don't believe in experience, I've seen so many times it is simply not enough. A clear vision, the desire to try and learn more, knowledge these work better than any experience. And nobody knows all, so why wait those years?
What if during the time you are waiting you simply lose the interest? Is it worth it for the game?
I also used to think that we all have the same chances, unfortunately it's not true.We don't , the wings are broken and the ground is hard. The truth is that I've tried this ground so many times before...
I wish I knew why one gets more chances to succeed and others less...
I also wish to know if this road of mine gets somewhere, sunny and warm I wish...
Meanwhile this world is cold and cruel and so fucked up!
I am tired of questions without answers, of broken wings and hopes that never came true...






Monday, January 04, 2016

Point Break(2015) : Quite an adventure


In ultima perioada am vazut cateva filme interesante, iar Point Break este cu siguranta unul dintre ele.
M-a convins in prima etapa trailerul si nebunia celor 2 personaje de a depasi limitele. Nu am vazut varianta din 1991 , poate o voi cauta avand in vedere ca il are pe Keanu Reeves in distributie.
Povestea nu e complicata: Utah(Luke Bracey) este un nonconformist care practica sporturile extreme, insa dupa moartea prietenului sau intr-una din incercari decide sa devina agent FBI.
Se infiltreaza intr-un grup de sportivi foarte bine antrenati, care cred ca trebuie sa depaseasca 8 incercari pentru a ajunge la desavarsire. Ei mai cred ca trebuie sa dea naturii ceea ce a pierdut, iar asta ii face sa fie cautati de autoritati.
Luke isi va risca viata in incercari primejdioase, pe 4 continente pentru a-l prinde pe Bodhi(Edgar Ramirez).
Imaginile sunt spectaculoase, sporturile extreme sunt fantastice, adrenalina nu lipseste.


Mi-a reamintit de Chasing Mavericks cu Gerard Butler, poate din cauza surfingului... 
Imi plac mult sporturile, cele extreme sunt cu atat mai dificile, interesanta si imbinarea dintre sport si spiritualitate, limite si o lume moderna deloc darnica cu mediul natural.
Luke Bracey este o prezenta interesanta in acest film, arata impecabil si se potriveste foarte bine in acest rol. Enjoy!