Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Lion (2016) such a delight

I saw the movie today, without having any expectation,but knowing from people who had seen it that it was going to be touching.
My surprise was to read after seeing it that it received 6 Oscar nominations for: Best Picture, Best Supporting Actor(Patel), Best Supporting Actress(Kidman), Best Adapted Screenplay.
I really wish it gets all the prizes it deserves, I can't find it any flaw or thing I didn't like.
It is based on the book A long way home by Saroo Brierley and it tells the story of a little boy from a poor Indian village. 
The little boy, Saroo, follows his brother Gudduu to work , they arrive at a train station and Saroo gets lost. He travels 1600 km by train , arrives in Calcutta, nobody helps him, is about to be sold, but escapes.
He is taken to the police by a man and then sent to an orphanage. A family from Australia decides to adopt him and his miserable life changes.
The same family adopts another indian boy an year later, Mantosh,but he doesn't adapt as well as Saroo.
20 year later, Saroo goes to Melbourne to study hotel management and he meets Lucy ( Rooney Mara).
He begins to think more about his childhood, his brother and mother, dreams about the places he used to see when was a kid and tries with Google Earth to find exactly where he came from.
After a painful search he discovered the place and decides to go and find his family. For me, it was very touching the moment when I meets his mother again and finds out his brother was killed by a train the same night when he was lost.
That was the moment when I start crying, it's symbolic the moment when you find your roots, because we all need them in order to know who we really are...
His mother never gave up to the idea that one day her son is going to come home,so she never moved.
In the end we found out that the boy's name was Sheru which means lion.
Dev Patel(Sarro) is incredibly good and expressive in this film. His presence seemed familiar, probably because I had seen him a couple of weeks ago in The Man who knew Infinity(the story of a mathematician), another movie I found very captivating.
The movie it's not easy, with great poverty , with an orphanage that seems unreal even for animals, kids who disappear and are sold for money.
On the same note saw yesterday Sold, a movie about a poor 13 years girl from Nepal who is sold to a pleasure house in India and forced to all kind of things...
The curly hair, the eyes, the drama , they all make me think it's been such a great role for Patel and this movie it's been a delight.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

My writing: Fake life(26)

Today I'm quiet. Actually I'm too hurt and don't feel like talking to anyone about anything.
I'm at that point when I'm trying to understand all that I heard during that argument.
It's like I don't believe it's true,but the pain in my chest and sleepless nights remind me...
I don't think anything will be able to repair the damage or change my mind...your ego was too big.
I don't need you to justify a thing,or hear any apologies,these are useless now.
I still have the bitter taste of those words so cruel that hurt me,one after the other.
I remember the tears and anger. The feeling of useless and all those questions.
Too much damage for what?
It's the only answer I want.
When you give your best and  you are continuously rejected I see no way one can do better.
I don't care if you realize this when you see me leaving....I won't stay where I'm not wanted.
I need my peace of mind back!
I have to make those dreams come true...

Friday, January 13, 2017

My Writing: I don't want to lose anymore(25)

Baby, I feel like crying today. A 13th Friday and no good luck. Never thought it was going to be the day when I'm gonna lose it.
Maybe it's not only about that, it's all of the things that kept adding in the last months and today the glass was full.
You know I'm not good at good-byes, it's too painful. All I'd lost today reminds me of the most important people who aren't today with me. There will always be a connection between losing them and anything else I love.
It's not fair to keep losing when you've already lost more than you can handle. What for?
You don't need to be more powerful or be reminded what you've survived. It's something that you do every day, that's a hole you have with you wherever you go.
So baby,I didn't forget how it is to lose. I'm trying not to cry, but the tears come anyway and with them the pain I'd felt in that April day when I lost her.
I wish you didn't see me so vulnerable, but the feeling is more powerful and I know I have to express everything as it comes not hide it.
You can still stay with me so that I know I'm not alone. It means the world to me.
It's the best you can do for me, being there and let me cry over losing again something I'd loved.
I want to hide from this world for a little time, eating chocolate and you telling me jokes.
Maybe one day life will get tired of making me cry and I won't have to lose anymore something I love.

Monday, January 09, 2017

Blue Valentine & how I began to like Ryan Gosling

I've never been a fan of Ryan Gosling until I've seen Blue Valentine last Thursday. 
I've been the fan of the other Ryan, Reynolds, especially after last year's Dead pool, which was incredibly funny and sarcastic.
So coming back to Gosling , I saw La la land on December because it was a musical, but I had no expectations of it. And this was good, because i totally loved it and i began seeing Ryan in another light: a guy who can dance, sing and more express the feelings so well,not being another beautiful face in the cinema industry.
More, La la land has such a sad ending that left me thinking of the movie and Ryan's image at the piano for some days...
Then I saw The Notebook on 31st December, the movie everybody had seen except of me...
I think I heard of Blue Valentine years before, but never gave it a chance, tired of another Valentine's Day movie.
The truth is that the movie is everything,but not a Valentine's Day pink romantic movie. It's hard, blue, true, quite painful movie. And I liked it so much, that I saw it again on Friday night.
Ryan is just perfect for Dean's role, a guy who has many talents, paints and does other difficult jobs, loves his little girl and want to spend the time with his wife and daughter. What is curious it's that he has no other great ambitions or projects except of his family and is totally ok with this situation.
His wife,Cindy(Michelle Williams) is the opposite, she always wanted to be a doctor, even before having the baby and never gave up that thought that is consuming her.
Their story doesn't have the usual chronology: met, fall in love, married, kid.There is an interesting mixture of hard present and lovely past moments.
Maybe that's why it becomes quite painful to see their relationship falling apart, especially when Dean tries his best to keep things united.
Somehow he's the only one who tries and in the end you can't blame him at all. You can blame Cindy, but she's not guilty either, she wants other things and there's no love left for Dean as she says.
It's kind of cruel for Dean as he's the one who had accepted a child who wasn't even his, raised it and he has to go. 
There are many hard moments like  the night they spent in a hotel trying to save what's left, the moment from the hospital when Cindy is about to give up to her baby, their final argue.
But there are also some sunny , beautiful moments: the embraces, their song, the wedding with Cindy crying and Dean in a cheap blue costume.
The first thing that came to my mind after seeing it was: what's left when things are falling apart? 
What about having to give up at your best friend and not be able to embrace him?

Today , Ryan is the guy of the moment after winning his Golden Globe for the La la land performance. I'm so happy he did it and his speech for his wife was really touching and true.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Bye 2016, hello 2017!

2016 has been a busy year with ups and downs, when I didn't write on blog as much as it happened.
It has been an year full of events worldwide and also professionally and personal. If you ask me what I remember of 2016 I would tell you that I remember working a lot, but I still have doubts if this is the direction I want to continue...I'll have to see
In between of working a lot and being very tired by the end of the year, I enjoyed some Byron concerts and finally got to see HURTS live at Summer Well in august.
I didn't write about Summer Well, but I really loved the experience, the place, the happy people and the concerts. I discovered there Milky Chance really good live, the Neighborhood - some kind of pop rock.
HURTS were really great and I sang and danced all the concert. My surprise were The Chemical Brothers, with a great concert, the best visuals I'd seen and a story built from a song to another. I couldn't stop dancing at their concert. Definitely a must see!
I don't know what they planned for 2017 ,but I might go again at Summer Well. 
What it's sure is that I'm going to see Depeche Mode in Cluj :) in july. And I also want a Placebo 20 years concert.
As for travels , I finally saw Balchik in June and it was so different that I imagined, but I liked it.
Then in October with a great cold I'd been in Berlin for 5 days and it managed to surprise me again. I saw the Wall that  I wanted to see for years and the Brandenburg gate. 
Potsdam was such a great experience with its lovely buildings, the park and San Soucci Palace. 
For 2017 I have some travelling ideas and I hope to be able to travel more , because that's when I really feel free and alive.
2016 was not such a good year for my health as I discovered the thyroid problem called Graves Disease and still try to get used to it.
I had also seen a lot of good movies and read many great books.
After all the ups and downs there are moments when I feel stronger and more zen and I hope to keep on with this feeling.
I want some changes for 2017:to be healthy and fit, to eat the right food as possible, exercise more, have positive experiences, love and travel.

Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 17, 2016

My writing:Blue December(24)

It's December again. That time of the year when everybody runs for shopping and presents like it's the end of the world.
And in this mess all I want is to have a book in front of me and a cup of coffee...
It's been a hard period since last month when I found out about Graves and begin the treatment with anti thyroid meds. 
It's been the denial and anger phase and the part when I have to stop exercising until my pulse goes under 80...
This week had been a mess, I haven't been well  for the first time I began the treatment: extremely tired, headaches. I wasn't in the mood for work or anything, all I wanted was more sleep. 
And the more I'd slept the tired I'd been... I also have that feeling that whatever I eat makes me gain weight.
I totally hate all these changes or this disease I understand so little, even if I'd read everything I could find.
I want not to be this tired and to exercise again like I used to.
I almost put into work an idea I had 4 years ago and I felt nothing of the joy I used to...
What's wrong?
The plans I had are hidden in a dark corner while I try my best to keep going.
So I'll have to go with baby steps and no plans.
I also keep missing you every day... I miss you the most!

Friday, December 02, 2016

10 ani Byron @ Club Hush

Cand si-au lansat albumul Eternal Return la Pitesti in martie, Byron au promis ca vor reveni pentru a sarbatori 10 ani de activitate.
Pitesti cred ca a fost ultima oprire pentru acest turneu, dar si locul unde au inceput acum 10 ani....
I-am vazut pentru prima data live in 2014 si de atunci nu ma mai satur... I-am vazut mai apoi la Hard Rock Cafe intr-o seara de mai, la un Impromtu la Clubul Taranului Roman la sfarsit de decembrie anul trecut si in toate concertele pe care le-au avut in Hush.
Aveam nevoie de niste clipe cu muzica lor in perioada asta!

Concertul a fost impartit in doua parti: prima dedicata lui Costin Oprea, cu piese de pe albumul Ups and Downs si apoi cateva melodii ale Luciei, care mi-a placut mult live.
A fost emotionanta aceasta parte, stiu cum este sa-ti fie dor de cineva care nu mai e.Un lucru minunat ca ne-au reamintit de Costin si muzica lui.
A doua parte a fost concertul mult asteptat, un mixt de piese de pe albumele din cei 10 ani care au trecut. Am ascultat : On the Road, Zeltgeist, Don't want to entertain you, Ochii tai, 1000 chipuri, Peace, Marea, Cu capul in nori, Peace of mind, The night,Perfect,etc.
Mi-au placut mult Tumo, pe care am auzit-o live pentru prima oara si Gone Fishing , care este preferata mea de pe Eternal Return.
Proiectiile video au fost interesante si perfect alese pentru fiecare piesa.

Personal am simtit lipsa unor piese din playlist : Loosing Control, City on Fire, Little by little, Cu sange rece sau It ain't gonna happen today...
Baietii au fost minunati ca de fiecare data, concertul s-a terminat undeva dupa 01:30, sincer mi-ar fi placut sa dureze mult,mult.
Starea de euforie si zen dupa concert m-a tinut cateva zile la rand.

Long live byron!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

My writing: One more crisis(23)

A crisis is unpredictable most of the time and it hits you suddenly without realizing what happened.
This year on my birthday I decided to take the annual blood tests and I had no idea of the surprise that was coming.
Apparently out of nowhere after other multiple tests I found out that I had an autoimmune thyroid problem , called Graves disease. It just hit it me, very hard.
I searched everything I could find about it: meds, ways to treat, diet,etc. What it scares me is that it's very tricky: the meds must be taken for max 2 years, then you have to see if it works and you don't have a relapse, because if you have one you have to either take the surgical approach or the radioactive iodine.
I was shocked, in denial and didn't understand where was the positive solution. I still can't see it now, all I know is that it's disease based on stress.
If I were to make a choice today I would choose the most practical approach, the radioactive iodine, it gets you to hypothyroidism and it's way easier to treat.
But I also have to consider having kids in the future and this makes harder to choose a decision.
After my mum died I didn't want to see doctors or hospitals for some time. Now I have to make tests every 2-3 months hoping the results get better and it's stressing too.
I am in anger phase now, I don't understand why this happened to me when I was finally ready to move on.
The first week on anti thyroid meds was awful, I had been extremely tired. 
Another aspect that bothers me is that I could get more weight than I already had without knowing about it, even if I had tried different diets, sport,etc. 
At least now I understand why I was so tired, why no diet worked or why I came home crying after work many times.
I try not to stress as much as I can, to eat healthy, to have patience on the long process that I have ahead.
Maybe I will be stronger when this phase ends, but I surely didn't want any of it.

Monday, November 21, 2016

The Young Pope: A True Masterpiece

I've waited a little before writing this post,because I had to see the last 2 episodes of The Young Pope, so I can have the whole image.
As far as I'm concerned this is the best movie/ series of 2016 and I couldn't find any flow yet.
With The Young Pope began my crush for Jude Law and his huge talent.

The new Pope is the youngest American Pope, Lenny Belardo , who was raised by the age of 8 by sister Mary in an orphanage after he had been abandoned by his hippie parents.
This is a theme that will follow him through all the episodes, looking to find them and why he had been abandoned.
As he says, he's a contradiction: drinks Cherry Coke Zero for breakfast, smokes, prays for a woman to get pregnant and she does, doesn't like to be seen in public, loves babies, is cynical and arrogant.
But he's also a conservative and wants to restore the old glory by being mysterious and untouchable.
It is impossible to forget his first speech in front of all St Peter's Square : "What have we forgotten?"...." We have forgotten happiness"

By knowing everything around him he succeeds in maintaining his position. The episode 8 is very powerful and you begin to understand why he's called a saint.
Episode 9 has a beautiful monologue with Lenny staying on a beach and talking about lost and found love.  
"What is more beautiful my love? Love lost or love  found?
Don't laugh at me, my love, I know I'm awkward and naive when it comes to love and I ask questions straight out of the pop songs.
To find or to lose?
In the end, my love, we have no choice, we have to find it".
You can imagine a forbidden love story between Lenny and another woman, but this isn't going to happen, he's way to conservative.
Episode 10 brings Lenny in Venice, addressing the people with a lovely speech, still searching for his parents. The end is quite unexpected and leaves an open door for a second season.

Rome and Vatican are lovely, the architecture, the gardens, the costumes, everything is perfect.
Jude Law made an incredible role, going from a cynical and arrogant pope, to showing his insecurities, his softer side , building this image as a whole. There is no doubt about his great talent or beautiful face :) 
I hope there is going to be a season 2 because it totally got me and I will see these 10 episodes again and again for sure!

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

About Dom Hemingway and my crush Jude Law

I remember seeing Alfie years ago and thought it was a funny movie with a good looking actor. I saw Alfie again last weekend and nothing changed that much....
But the trigger was The Young Pope, the new HBO miniseries where Jude Law is playing an american young non-conformist pope who drink Cherry Zero Coke.
So I wanted to search and see more movies with Jude Law and Dom Hemingway was the lucky one.
I barely recognized Jude Law or his lovely face in this movie, a 2013 British black comedy.
The monologue in the beginning is quite fun and probably the thing you will remember after seeing this movie.
So Dom( Jude Law) is a safe cracker who spent 12 years in prison and now seeks his payment. He's funny, goes from angry to laughing, but always getting his way.
But in spite of all his running after money he wants to be accepted again by his daughter, so a little piece of happiness.
What I liked was another monologue, at his wife's grave, where he becomes human again. That reminded my that I used to know someone who was very unhappy and I could understand better that feeling.
This character is not what you would generally expect from Jude Law, kind of the opposite, but is so well played, that you begin to like it in spite of all the flaws and stupid things he does.
I will write separately about the Young Pope, which is probably the best movie of 2016.

Thursday, October 27, 2016


5 days left until my next birthday and it felt like a quarter-life crisis.

Never liked my birthday and don't know if I will some day( just like Christmas, Easter,etc). So, every year I try to just let it pass and act like on any other day.

And before it, there is this need of trying to evaluate my life. I don't have a clear image yet, i'm thinking and overthinking.  
Most of the times I see the aspects that bring a minus , but this year seems to be  much more that bother me. I figured out what it is and I will also try to find solutions.

Somehow I don't feel I'm where I'd imagined to be, maybe because 2 years ago things got under control and hadn't settled yet. Or maybe because I am Generation Y, we are impulsive, impatient and want things to be done quickly.

I know this , but I don't seem to have the patience to wait and see. I'm more an action person, quite unpredictable , who gets bored easily, so I need a constant change and challenge.

That's why maybe I'm far away from the usual model: married, kids, that impressive job,etc.

Instead I run to find the things that make and keep me happy on short and long term.  
I think I want the simple things: to be healthy, fit, a job I like that challenges me, travelling, freedom and love.

This year 2 of my travelling wishes came true: Balcic and Berlin and each of them were different than I expected.  There are so many other place I want to see : I want to return to Italy and visit Pompeii, still want to go to Paris( without Mr Right), Greece and Athens attracts me and the same does Israel or Morocco. 

So I wish this next period to be full of all the things and people that make my happier!

Happy bday, Ana!

Tuesday, October 04, 2016

My writing: Who am I, darling to you?(22)

I dreamed of rain , books and sweets. I also dreamed of you, the one I wish to be by my side each time I need.

The one that does understand all my silence, who looks into my eyes and sees my sadness or laughs with me on stupid jokes.

I want to stay outside on a cold night and look at the stars with you . Probably you don't understand but this calms me, reminds me of the ones I'd lost.

And when life had taken me the loved ones, I began to understand that time is short and limited and I can't spend it waiting.

There is always a familiar feeling when I'm near you. 

Who am I, darling to you?

I don't have an answer,but I miss you when you're not around. 

Sometimes I think you are a gift I received in this world, because only someone like you could have trusted  a broken soul.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

My writing: September story(21)

It was  a rainy September day. It had  been 5 year since I hadn't seen him or even thought about him.
And suddenly , out of nowhere, his image came to my mind so clear, all the details, small talks, like it happened yesterday.
Somehow I felt the urge to compare what was then to what is now and it seems to be 2 different lives. One mine and the other of a stranger.
It's like I was less who I used to be and more someone else and the past felt so far away.
I don't know if this had something to do with getting older, setting other priorities, dreaming other dreams. 
I don't even know which way was best,there are some regrets,painful moments, lessons I'd learnt, friends i'd made,people i'd loved.
Knowing how it is to lose someone you love, I am now grateful and I value all the people that love me, they are priceless.
I think it's normal to dream other dreams, nothing stays in the same shape and he was part of the past. A past that I'd loved and miss sometimes.
His memory hit me unexpectedly and it was so powerful and alive. There was a disturbing "what if" in my mind, challenging my thoughts.
"What if" things were different, I had been in another place, doing something different,could this had made me happier?
And I had no answer, I could only imagine a possible scenario...
It just felt strange that I thought of him when I tried to rebuild the present.... Maybe it was because of the rain.

Thursday, September 08, 2016

Azi ar fi fost ziua ta....

8 septembrie...Azi ar fi fost ziua ta, ai fi implinit 53 de ani...

Doar ca numaratoarea s-a oprit cu cateva luni inainte sa implinesti 51 de ani.

Azi nimic nu a mers, nu mi-am gasit locul, iar gandurile mele s-au indreptat numai catre tine. Ziua de azi a fost apasatoare, asa cum nu a mai fost de multa vreme, poate si pentru ca dupa toate cele intamplate in ultimele zile ti-am simtit si mai mult lipsa.

Azi nu am avut chef de glume sau alte banalitati, pentru ca lipsa ta mi-a reamintit de tot ce am pierdut si nu se mai intoarce. Sunt inca momente in care am flash-uri care dor, iar azi totul a fost atat de intens.

Te-am visat aseara, luam masa impreuna , erai fericita si radeam. Imi povesteai de copilul altcuiva si iti spuneam ironic : 'Cred ca am imbatranit', iar tu mi-ai spus : "Nu a zis nimeni ca nu vei imbatrani."

Cat adevar....

Si totusi asta nu ma face sa-mi fie mai putin dor, sa-mi lipseasca mai putin grija sau iubirea ta. Oare stii cat de greu imi este sa nu te vad?
Recent am visat ca ti-am pus aceeasi intrebare si mi-ai raspuns: " Si mie imi este dor de tine".

Cel mai adeasea ma simt norocoasa cand te pot revedea in vise, nu am mai mult....

Inca simt ultima imbratisare, imi amintesc cuvintele si dorintele ....

Imi este greu sa stiu ca nu-mi vei cunoaste copii, ca ei nu vor vedea cat de grozava esti, dar atata timp cat eu imi amintesc, tu existi!

Monday, July 25, 2016

Your story

I don't remember telling this story before.
Dave Gahan was singing " I'm just afraid of losing you" the same day I found out you were brought to hospital in brain death.
You had gone to work like any other day and never returned.... I was hoping you'd make it and then laugh about it.
Everything begin with the decision of some idiots that consumed you every day...
The moment I saw you in an emergency room vulnerable, with a body wanting to continue living and I dead brain was overwhelming.
In those moments I just wished you didn't suffer or suffer less.
I called to the hospital on a Tuesday morning, but you were gone. It didn't felt real, I was angry and shocked.
I couldn't stay near you, look at you or even say good bye. I was blocked.
weeks later I was still waiting for you to return, but never did.
It took me almost 6 months to go to your grave...
with your departure I learnt how to stand in front of death, so months later I could be near mom and not be afraid.
I still can't help my teas while writing and it's said that when you can tell your story without crying you're healed.