Triggers

I wanted to think that I became stronger than the fears I used to face.
I knew physical pain could easily take me back to those moments I wished to get so far away from.
I didn't know how much pain could replicate those feelings and how was I suposed to return.
I thought I could handle a little more pain and get more used with the unpleasant feelings.
But I'm almost freezed when the physical pain wakes up the pain I felt when I lost her, a feeling so intense.
The first instinct is to remain freezed,to have some control, then I remenber that I need to feel everything in order to be able to continue.
I may stumble, try baby steps and wonder if I will gonna see any progress soon.
I may be angry and hurt, I may want to run to hide the tears because it's too hard to explain.
I know I should tell you, but it took me by surprise and I'm tying to understand myself first.
I don't want to scare you, maybe I'm afraid you will begin to see my flaws.
Instead of leting you see me hurt, I chose to hide how much it affectes me.
Sometimes I get tired of feeling hurt and I would like to have you near, to feel your warmth and kindness.
Will you stay?