Ocean of night

There are nights when I dream I'm running and I feel so good and free. 

It's like all I want to do is run, especially on those moments when physically I'm unable to run. 

I spent so many years running from the places that reminded me of you. 

I left behind people and places thinking I could survive all the pain I was feeling inside.

When you were gone the pain was so intense that my mind decided to protect me, so for some months I felt nothing. 

Not a single thing, good or bad, nothing.It was so unusual, I couldn't even cry. 

But the world continued just like before, while I was stuck with the pain of missing you. 

There is a part of me that I lost along with you. 

I ran to find that part, I ran to escape everything I've lived and hurt me, I continued to run until I no longer could. 

Until all the pain and suffering that was inside caught me again. 

Once again I was on my knees, feeling not only the pain, but also a deep fear that I couldn't explain. 

Someone asked me If I want to forget that you were gone. 

I could never forget about you, as much or as far I would run. 

I can't forget that a part of me is gone, like I can't change anything that happened. 

There are many moments when people around forget that you are gone. They think that if time passes, one can get used to the absence. 

In front of them you are used to being strong, how could you explain that you lost not only the loved ones, but all the chances to see them, talk to them, hear their voices, spending time with them, calling them when you're sick or happy. 

You no longer have any of these, not a present with them, not a future with them; just some memories, some of which are very painful?

There are things I'm tired of explaining, I hate so much the pity in their eyes. 

I'm used to being strong, it's what I'd done each day for many years. 

But I get tired and I want to scream because it's unfare to lose the people you love, being left alone and feeling abandonned. 

There is a part of me that is cold and empty. 

How can I ever forget a part of me is missing?