My Writings: Hitting the ground(15)

So many things had happened recently that left me with a bitter taste.

I hit the ground again, but harder I could imagine when I began my search. And it hurts like hell , all my hopes gone for the moment, an empty space that doesn't want to disappear.

I was so angry that denial was the only way to handle this situation, denying to do what I thought I was best at. Somehow I'm still mad I can't do what I want now, that I have to wait some more unknown time... 

And this is not because I decided this, it's because others decided for me and I really hate the situation 

Back to my search, I know for sure what I want now, what I can do.I hit the ground hard , so what? It's not the first time, I will raise and continue until I succeed. I know I don't want to give up because things were wrong, this has nothing to do with my abilities.

I may be in the " no care" mood for a while until waters cool down and I won't feel the bitter taste so intense.

And the mornings are hard, because you have to motivate somehow to continue, knowing it's not exactly what you want... 

I wonder how it would have been? If only it happened the other way...Would it had made me happier on a long term?

I have no idea, someday I will make another start, another try. 

It is said if you want it bad enough the Universe makes it happen. Well, it didn't work... And it's been almost 5 years I wanted this to happen...

So I hit a cold ground , I cried ,I asked questions, but didn't receive answers...There is again the feeling of being stuck in a place I don't like without means to change a thing, because life it's been shitty enough...

And then I'm mad again on you because you left so sudden and made a chaos of my dreams and plans...