Underneath

Where there is anger there is allways pain underneath.
I read this quote and it felt so real and familiar.
I felt angry so many times since the moment when we had that talk.
There were so many "what if" and questions that had no answer.
You decided to leave, you decided that it should be the best for both of us. But you never asked me if I thought the same...I feel abandonned.
I didn't have the freedom to decide, I was left alone with your decision. It made me feel lonely, cold and shocked.
You said you didn't want to hurt me, but your actions hurt me.
At first I was angry for many days,soon the anger turned to tears and tears to pain.
The pain was sharp and intense, I felt this kind of pain before, once again feeling abandonned.
I felt the blame of not being or doing enough.
I had to remember that when people abandon you it's mostly related to them,not you.
This felt like a grief process for many weeks, until I decided I don't want to waste my time on a selfish guy.
It was tough but I realised I want someone who lives in the present, not in a possible future, someone willing to build together.