Messy

It's another period when everything is messy.
You try to replay in your mind the exact moment when things began to break. Maybe this way you would get some answers to make it bareable.
Deep in your mind you know it's over, but you find yourself thinking back to him.
You didn't expect to hurt so much or him to give up so easily.
For a while it felt good and easy and you were happy.
But he lost his second chance and you know now that there's no trust left.
You know that once you left you won't turn back, especially when you were hurt.
Every morning you have to begin again, one step then another, trying to survive inspite all.
There are nights when you miss him and you get sad and cry.
When you stop crying you remember that he's the avoidant and you are the one that loves too much.
It's said you can't save people, you can only love them.
You've let your walls down, been vulnerable and got hurt by the avoidant's dynamics.
You should begin to give that love to yourself and in time it will get easier.