5 years
1835 days or 5 years without you by my side...
Every year around this date eveeything I know shifts. Every year since I lost you is hard to carry.
Sometimes I have the feeling it happened yesterday, other times it feels like I'm leaving a different life.
This isn't entirely wrong, since I had to redefine all my life without you.
No more seeing or touching you, no more talks and calls, no more holidays or birthdays spent together.
I can't share anything with you anymore, the good or bad stuff.
This leaves me motherless, empty,with a pain on the stomach.
Other days it leaves me sad and angry, because I have to face everything alone.
There are moments when it feels like a punishment for which I don't know the reason.
There are still moments when flash of memory can instantly make me cry.
Sometimes I wish I don't have to carry such a hard burden every day.
These last days had been very messy and tiring for me.
I thought I felt nothing, untill it began to hurt again.The old pain I knew so well.
The pain of not having you in my life, of not feeling loved.
Today I decided to let myself feel all of this, no more running.
Your loss is hard to carry, there are days when I'm doing it easier and days when it's messy.
I can't tell how much it changed since you left.
I can tell you that I miss you every day. I love you.
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