Cold & grey

I went to another city hoping I could find what I was looking for.
It's cold, the city is grey, I want to numb all this pain and get back to happy times.
This is a place I used to know, but it scares me that it doesn't seem to matter anymore.
Am I that changed?
Is this good enough for me?
Would it make me happier to come back in the grey city?
I am aware of my triggers, I already know this pain, I try to remain calm and understand.
It's a lot easier when you understand, when I get why you suddenly disconnect.
Rejection and ignoring are my main triggers, it makes me feel not good enough.
I know you need some place to heal, but I hope it won't take that long.
The grey cold city didn't help me this time, maybe I was looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place and time.
It's getting colder and darker and I would really need you near.