21st of May

It's strange how some memories come to the surface out of nowhere. 

It's the fifth  21st of  May I spend without you and all I happen to remember is the exact moment when you forgot about my name day years ago.

It was in my first year of college, you came back from chemo,tired and ignored completely my name day. It felt like you were ignoring me, I was hurt because all I expected was a "happy bday" to know you care. 

I remember telling you later that I didn't want any present or flowers,but I also remember so clearly the time we got to spend together on that day.

Why do I got to remember this specific moment,instead of a happier one ? 

Remembering what I felt on that day brought a sad note to this day, because I can't  spend it with you anymore. 

I also remember my grandpa bringing me peonies every year, I miss him too...

I felt your absence so hurtful today, in spite of having all those lovely people around me. I also felt many people close and I am grateful for each of them.

I found it so hard to focus on any activity and not having full control made it messy. Sometimes you need just one constant when everything else changes, to keep you grounded.